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• (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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• (347): View more from New York

  She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.

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