Whod you bang
...so i touched it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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