dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
