Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
