Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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