I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I skipped work to stalk him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
