He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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