I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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