I just made out with a guy for $7.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
