so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
