..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
