weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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