I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
