Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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