"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
