My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
