I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
