Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
