I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
