No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
