I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
