Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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