why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
