In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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