I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
