I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
