Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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