if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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