chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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