I cannot find my penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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