you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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