Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
