Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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