im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
