One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
