Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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