Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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