i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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