I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
