Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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