Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
