Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
