Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
