Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
