It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
