It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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