first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
