i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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