I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
