I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
